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Post by Duck Diva on Mar 11, 2009 20:04:18 GMT 8
;D I just cant seem to get through to my 12 year old son that he doesnt have it as tough as he thinks!! lol He thinks we are too strict and make him do too much. I said why would you think that? All you have to do is do the dishes every 2nd night and put the dishes away every 2nd night and tidy your room every few days. But apparently were slave drivers ;D His friends dont have to do hardly anything apparently (and he does???) Also he thinks he should be able to stay out later than 6.30 at night because all his friends can stay out until it gets dark!! He whinges even when he has to have a shower. He says he wants to have one in the morning. I said you dont have time in the morning. I wake you up 1st time at 6.30 then again at 6.45 and again at about 7. You crawl out about 7.15 get dressed, have brekky and get your lunch and brush your teeth then its 7.50 and you have to catch the bus. I cant be bothered getting up at 6 to get him started thats for sure And thats just one of the battles every day! I cant get him to see that he has it no harder than any other kid He just cant see reality Its seriously doing my head in. I dont get angry i jsut try to explain things. What can I do to make him see? Im baffled. Anyone have a degree in raising teens?
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Post by horses7 on Mar 11, 2009 21:10:20 GMT 8
Stick to your guns and he will eventually get older and get past this horrible stage, my youngest was exactly the same " Im not allowed to do anything all my mates can go where they want, do what they want, I think all kids get a set script of what to whinge to the parents about, they all say the same thing, keep on with him especially not being out late and knowing where he is and with a bit of luck he might even survive his teenage years
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Post by lakelands on Mar 12, 2009 5:36:06 GMT 8
:'(Oooohhh Wendy....My son is 15 we went through that stage when he was 12-13. Stick to your guns, you need to give them structure and boundries at this stage or they can so easily go off the rails as it is such an impressionalble age. Brad went for about a year where he became almost unbearable. You would not believe the yelling matches we had over cleaning rooms, doing homework, staying out,(i used to have to do a nightly call around all of the neighbours at 6.30 to find out where he was. He didn't wash his hair for weeks and I remember having to pour shampoo in his hair at least then he had to wash it out. As for the other kids being able to stay out later and do what they wanted...well I can see what's happened to them now, they are the ones smoking and drinking and doing drugs....Well good on you, your young fella will thank you in time and at least you sound a lot more temperate than I was. My son thought I was a mad woman. But perhaps I needed to be a little scarey it seemed to work. He's played footy since he was 12 and the involvement and discipline of the team has also been an amazing infuence on him. He's now nearly 16 and such an amazing kid. Respectful of his elders, patient with small children, doing really well at school. he has no regard for the kids who do drugs, drink or smoke, he helps out around the house and yards and with all my chooks. He even does his homework (without me yelling at him ) keeps his room clean (and his hair) mind you I think that has a lot to do with his girlfreind. Still have a bit of trouble getting him up in the morning but hey you can't have everything. Oh and 2 showers a day but at least he's clean ;D Don't dispair it doesn't last long.
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Post by Duck Diva on Mar 12, 2009 7:44:48 GMT 8
Thanks guys, youve given me hope The thing that makes it more difficult at times with both of my eldest kids is that they are my stepkids. They are mine though,I love them just as much as mine. Alan and I have had care of them since they were 5 & 7. They are now 12 and 15. Lately they have tried to play us off against the other parent so much and neither households are going to put up with it anymore. Zane thinks its sooooo hard here and wants to go and live with his mum but the environment isnt the best there. They still visit on weekends and school hols if they want to. Its hard when we to dicipline the kids and they have the option of running off to the other parents place and then coming back until next time they get in trouble. But thats all stoppped now and the other parent and us have united. Hopefully it will sort itself out. But its going to be a hard road for the next few years I think. Zane has played soccer and football since he was 6. He will play footy this year. We dont think we are unreasonable when it comes to chores or rules. So yes, we will be sticking to our guns and the kids will have to lump it
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Post by fluffychook on Mar 12, 2009 8:03:24 GMT 8
It is great that you are able to get together on this with the other parents. It will make these difficult years easier on all. They do grow out of it but I for one would not like to go through those years again. But then there is the grandchildren.......oh dear
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Post by lakelands on Mar 12, 2009 8:44:06 GMT 8
Oh yes but Grandkids...What a delight.. Lucky for me mine only come over for the weekend I don't have them every day like you do Tina....
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Post by aliahna on Mar 12, 2009 9:17:47 GMT 8
Wendy, as the others have said your son is completely normal. I am studying to become a psychologist at the moment & love the developmental side. When kids hit puberty they start to develop a need for autonomy & therefore move away from their parents & towards their peer groups. They also begin to see their parents as just people & don't feel they need to bend to their authority. Teens are learning to make their own decisions so that they can become independent adults, but aren't mature enough yet to be given full responsibility. The fact that he is like this means that you have provided a good environment for him to grow up in. Kids from bad backgrounds actually crave discipline & boundaries as they feel it means that their parents care. I bet those other kids he compares himself to aren't as happy with their situation as he thinks they are.
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Post by beck on Mar 12, 2009 13:37:36 GMT 8
Hi Wendy well i don't have any kids i did put my parents through the ringer and gave my parents a tough time but they never did back down and i love them both soooo much but i just could not help being a B#$ch but they never relented on the rules and i eventually gave up asking i agree stick to it and yes my friends that could do what they wanted were pregnant at 15-16 and still are single mum's ..druggies or just plain old no hopers that feel no need to work when they can get the dole and well as you move away from these people you get a group that fits you better and you find your true friends good luck he will be so greatfull later trust me i know
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Post by mikemurphy on Mar 14, 2009 6:40:16 GMT 8
As someone who was once a 12 year old boy and much like the one you describe, just say, as my mother said: "I just hope one day you grow up and have a son exactly like you," And I did, and he grew up and had daughters who are just as bad. My advice, which is probably not worth much, is not to try to tell him what's right and what's wrong in the middle of a screaming match but wait until things have calmed down and then tell him. It's surprising how much kids hear and understand without admitting it, and how much that stuff becomes part of their values when they grow up.
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Post by beck on Mar 14, 2009 9:16:00 GMT 8
nice Mike glad it's not only my mum that says that and looking back it seems really mean of her to say that
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Post by lakelands on Mar 14, 2009 13:15:04 GMT 8
Must be a Mum thing. My Mum said that to me and I got a daughter with far more spunk and cheek than I ever had and I have been caught more than once saying that same thing to her...
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Post by beck on Mar 14, 2009 14:07:22 GMT 8
lol lakelands good to know that you do end up sounding like your mother another thing that she always says to me
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Post by mandimoo on Mar 18, 2009 7:49:12 GMT 8
Any advice is good advice mike, my son who is nearly eight is that much of a handfull its not funny, he acts like he is 12, I dont know when it was he last washed his hair even though he gets told every night too. Reading everyones posts makes me scared to think of what he will actually be like as a teenager, but i'll keep trying and hopefully he turns out fine!
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Post by beck on Mar 18, 2009 15:47:33 GMT 8
I bet he turns out just fine and the reason is because you actually worry how he will turn out that makes all the difference it's him mixing with the ones who's parents don't care that you have to worry about !!! Sadly i have no kids and would love to share your dillema hopefully some day soon
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